I hate colds. I hate those numb headaches that aren't too painful but last all day. My nose is runny and it quickly turns red from all the blowing. And the fever! I could probably make an omelette on my forehead!
There's also that strange dream I sometimes have when I get a fever. It's been at least two years since I last had that dream, but I only seem to get the dream when I'm burning up, and it's been a couple of years since I last had a cold and fever this bad.
Talking with someone I met several years ago, I found out that she knew of others who've also had the same sort of dream. Like me, they've dreamt it during the height of a fever. That's the strange part. If I were the only one who experienced this, I might have just passed it off as a little personal quirk, but....
I can never describe it as vividly as it appears to me. I can never remember much of anything, except for the general idea and the strong emotions involved.
I wonder if it will recur tonight....
All is dark. A feeling of being somewhere vast engulfs me, like I'm in an enclosed room, but there are no walls anywhere. Black fades into a dark silvery gray, like on the screen of that Etch-a-Sketch I have in my closet somewhere. Everything is this gloomy silvery-gray, yet there are no objects to be seen. Just a vast, dark fog.
Something is nearby. I have no idea what it is, nor am I interested in what it may be. It resembles a dense ball of yarn, the same color as the fog. It seems to slowly pulsate as it constantly melts into itself; like a blob of jelly it is never the same shape twice.
Out of a quiet peace and happiness comes a faint sense of fear. What is there to fear here? At first, all was silent, but now a quiet sound can be heard, as if it were coming from far away. Am I the jelly-ball? I see the ball at a distance, yet I hear the sound and feel the fear the ball seems to experience.
I can tell that something similar to myself is infinitely far away, but speeding towards me. But again, what is there to fear? It must be that far-away silvery blob, out in the vast unknown.
It's coming closer. I continue to grow more frightened, yet I still do not know why. The sound is louder now. It's a moaning sound, and it's growing in intensity now.
There it is! I see it and myself from afar, like two points on a line, but I see it in front of me, heading straight towards me, growing larger and larger!
It's accelerating towards me! The sound is growing louder and louder! I'm trembling and churning my self faster than I thought was possible! Now it's even closer! And it's louder! Much louder! A huge menacing roar is all I hear, and the huge object is still growing and growing! All I can see is the giant object looming before me, about to smash me any moment now! I see the two points on a line zooming towards each other, about to collide with an incredible force!
I try to brace myself against the inevitable collision between us, yet all I can do is twist and churn and stay in one place! I cannot possibly describe the power and strength of the fear I feel! The booming, deafening roar, only a tiny distance away! Here we go! We're going to hit!
We touch! For a brief instant, the two are one single thing!
I only see the result from afar. Only a tiny, innocent-looking speck in a peaceful, light gray emptiness remains. There was no explosion. There was no devastation. Nothing happened! I feel happy, as if I'd never felt one bit of the fear I felt before. I feel a huge amount of relief, yet in another sense I feel like not a single thing occurred. There was nothing to fear, yet I'm afraid of what I have just experienced.
I'm slowly fading back to reality.
I realize that I've just had that dream again! It's the one I can never completely remember, but right now, I can still remember it! Quick, I must keep remembering it! Please! Remember.... I won't forget like all the other times! Come on! Remember....
Remember....
The walls of my bedroom slowly emerge in front of my eyes, as if I'm rising to the surface of a large swimming pool. My body is cool and damp, covered with sweat.
I remember having that dream! I had it! I remember.... The dream.... Virtually nothing remains in my mind! I remember telling my self to remember the dream and realizing the importance of finally imbedding the experience into my mind, but I can barely remember anything! Argh!
Virtually nothing remains in my mind. I remember grayness, I remember fear, I remember relief, but nothing else....
Others have experienced almost exactly the same thing, and they have never been able to retain their memories either. The entire incident remains locked up in the darkest corners of our memories, only to be revealed again someday, when the colds and fevers return.